“Waray na ak pahuway,” ( I could hardly breathe), Lily, 42, (not her real name) poured out her past agony, what was like living with her now estranged husband – Mario, some five years back. Day in and day out, she was tormented physically, emotionally, verbally and economically ! She could not just leave home. The proverbial Filipino culturedictates keeping a family together, with maximum tolerance, if only for the sake of the children !
It all started when he got married to an extremely possessive husband. Mario, now 45, unreasonably got jealous of her interaction with men, even with the former’s own father and brother. What is more disturbing is that Mario would be filled with anger every time he thought Lily would get jealous, but would not.
All of what Mario have gone through in his childhood were repeated in Lily’s time. The troubled husband was a victim of abuse himself. The cycle of domestic violence rolled on – he would slap his wife on both cheeks and beat her, almost to death. For Mario, it became an essential part of their married existence, a customary way for him to do as a husband.
Things became worse when Mario made it known that he was dating a 23 – year – old lady who is currently his common – law wife. When husband comes home, he would have Lily massaged him while the former engaged in sweet talk with the girl over the phone.
“They would be seen eating in Chowking, unmindful that his own family has hardly something to fill their stomachs,” Lily tearfully narrated. The couple has four kids, and she and the children have experienced many times sleeping without having dinner.
Lily was a plain housewife, and Mario, a skilled worker of a big company. When retrenchment in their company came, Mario received a sizeable amount of separation pay amounting to close to two million pesos ! It would have been a good amount to start anew, but Lily and the children weren’t even able to enjoy the finer things in life that Mario’s money could bring.
The poor wife felt that it was high time to pack up and leave behind sick memories of an unhappy and stormy union, right after a disastrous incident, one fateful day. Mario arrived home, and seeing his helpless wife sitting on a chair, threw a big kerosene lamp on her. Lily escaped harm !
Mario then lived together with his mistress, and spent all of the money he got from his previous job !As far as Lily can remember, there were only a handful of times that his ex – husband was able to extend support to his children, at the time they were separated. Even then, it was an insulting amount of Php 50.00 per child per month !
Lily then started to pick up the broken pieces of her shattered life. With the help of the Local Social Welfare and Development Office and the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) Field Office Eight, she undergone counseling sessions and pursued a case for Violence Against Women under Republic Act 9262, against her legal husband.
Of course, being a solo parent was very hard for her, with no job and four children to feed. Her determination paid off when she was hired as a storekeeper in their locality, receiving a daily wage of Php 120.00. Then, she became part of a 15 – member livelihood group under the DSWD’s Self – Employment Assistance – Kaunlaran (SEA-K) program.
Lily, then, slowly regained her strength, with fellow abused women from their community formed into a group. The interest – free loan assistance of Php 10, 000.00 from the DSWD was secondary. Primarily important was the life – changing skills she was gaining from interventions of the agency and the local government unit.
For one, she is now realizing her value and worth as a woman, and her right to be treated with respect and dignity. “ Di ako uurong “ ( I won’t withdraw ), Lily emphasized of the legal case she has filed against her erring husband.
Coupled with this was her determination to be able to conquer her battles. From the capital, she started retailing rice in the neighborhood where she lives. Lily bought sacks of rice and a weighing scale. She profits more than a hundred pesos for each sack.
Project Development Officer, Nelia Oledan, of the DSWD’s livelihood program remains a witness to her struggles. She continues to monitor the state of the association and of its members. “The SEA – K has a forced savings scheme such that the group will be able to extend loan assistance from non – members in their community,” the field worker narrated. “This time, they will earn, out of the interest from the money loaned out,” she added.
Part of the program was accessing beneficiaries to microfinance facilities and institutions for vocational training. Lily had the opportunity to be trained on making flowers, as well as personal and house accessories from recycled paper. At first, it seemed hard for her to learn the craft, but now it comes easy for Lily.
On Saturdays and Sundays, Lily work on her collection, that are usually made up of tetra pack from fruit juices. She digs on the trash around her neighborhood, and she doesn’t mind. Tears just roll down her cheeks because as she goes along with life, the once – battered wife undergoes a process of self – healing.
There’s no rush for her to soar high. She takes pleasure in the challenges. Besides, the DSWD is still at her side. Even in marketing her wares, the agency invites her group to trade fairs in the office such as on anniversary celebrations, and the National Women’s Month.
When the DSWD Field Office Eight hosted the National Development Management Conference last January 10 to 13 of this year, at the Leyte Oriental Hotel, Lily earned Php 1, 152. 00 out of her Php 500.00 capital ! She has been receiving orders, too !
Lily is now a picture of a new person, as if saying that she is born to live and not to die.